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Does that make me Different?I wear make up. Does that make me fake?
I cry. Does that make me emo?
I have male friends. Does that make me slutty?
I smile a lot. Does that make me weird?
I laugh loud. Does that make me preppy?
I have anxiety. Does that make me a freak?
I have Bipolar Disorder. Does that make me abnormal?
I respect people. I change for me, and only me. I have a past, but I know I have a future.
Does that make me different?
But at least it makes me
I can’t feel my toes and at first I think
It’s just my toes.
I can cover them up.
I can warm them.
It spreads, like fire,
I glance away for a second, it seems, and my feet are cold
That’s funny, I didn’t feel that
Maybe I’ll cover them up too
I’ll warm them up.
I’ll take a nap
Maybe a short rest will make it all better, warm them
What’s that? How long has it been?
My legs… are you still mine..
Why has my breath left me, short?
Has everything but deserted me?
What about you, are you still here?
Are you still with me?
And before I can say goodbye, I think my thoughts are leaving me too –
Sleeping Beautyshe’s in love with a character who
never existed but in the labyrinth of her head:
a patchwork composition of beautiful, lengthy words
she’d heard in her catatonic state; coma living
day in and day out, reliant on the salvation
of a man made of foreign wishing
and imperfection and necessity – an ignorance
of the less than ideal perception of self she’d
come to fear, absention stained romantic to the point
where daydreams were a standard for survival
(real living is for the purposeful of heart,
he loves her in her sleep)
We fight for our dream.
We're just waiting to die.
The same emotions
with a different drive.
Sometimes dead, sometimes alive.
The same in one way,
different in another
brother and sister, sister and brother.
So close in feeling,
so different in the end.
Falling apart, or finally on the mend?
Which am I?
Will I ever know?
Fighting to stay or ready to go?
Maybe I'm both,
in some impossible way.
Emotions oddly mixed everyday.
I'm such a freak.
Excuse me, I laugh, I should call it "unique"
She does not have,
She has many of them.
A million shields,
a million personalities,
She's always changing,
to fit every person around her.
If one were to ask why,
she would answer with,
I will never reveal my weaknesses,
because she's evil.
She hates everyone,
stupider than her is barely tolerable,
smarter than her is too scary,
She hates it all.
She leaves the world behind,
To one she has dreamt of,
she will smile,
because she is truly happy alone.
She is not evil,
She does not hate you,
She is not dishonest,
She simply wants to be alone.
We are the King and Queen of Broken DreamsStanding still in a mine field, staring at all we have left.
We were so young, we didn’t stop to think.
Now we’re in a car crash, teetering on the brink.
If you were to leave me now, I don’t know what I’d do.
It was a whirl wind romance,
A light when all was black, a spark of something when all was bleak.
You swept me off my feet and made me feel brand new.
I thought we could live forever and I’m certain you did to.
We built a house without foundations
And now we’re falling down,
Everything’s crumbling around us, time slipping through out fingertips.
People used to walk past us but they were to drunk to see,
That our lives are coming apart around us, there is no light as far as we can see.
There was no fire to start with,
Just two broken things, the world had left behind.
The casualties of other people’s dreams of power, money and control,
Spat out onto the curb to rot away and die.
We never stood a chance or so
lifelinesI fear the sound of sparrows
and the density of leaves
against dew-muffled blades
and I'm drowning
in the sky.
My skin has learned how
to peel itself off
without causing a commotion
in my marrows or
even show the slightest hint
and my heart has learned how
to hush the stars in their wake
and keep it all a secret.
There's a sea in my mouth
and I can't swim.
There are lifelines
cast like these and it will
all end with the same tragedy.
of seafoam thronesFrom Atlas’ hands she wept to me,
atop Africas and South Atlantics;
this is one situation unaffected by
ember eyes and windy lashes
(it has no anatomy).
You are sparrows stranded
in tiny crevices and cliffside love,
though you rebuke flight
in the fear of chipping feathers.
So what do you do?
You reach for my soul,
coveting flight with shaking
and perhaps I’ll let you:
With flytrap lips and
glass shaped hips…
you are unfit for anything but
(But beauty isn’t everything)
Falling off the EdgeDo you know what it feels like?
To nearly fall off the edge,
but not quite...
just so that you're dangling;
clinging for your worthless life
lest it fall into the sea of loneliness.
Your callused, pink fingers turning
to a shade of purplish-red of pain
as it does it best to hold on.
In the sea of loneliness,
everything is crisp, translucent.
There is nothing around you,
you are alone...
unlike other people,
you have no one
clamouring to save you;
you have no one
diving in to get you out.
There is no point
screaming for help,
you will only waste
the little time and air you have left.
You only have the darkness
of the sea envelop
weight of the worldand suddenly--
it was like the world decided that
it didn't want to carry its burden any longer,
so it shifted the weight
into the hollows of my bones
and told me that
it was my problem now.
Ashes on the SandWe put you in
a crystal box
small enough for me
to hold in my
(and that thought gives me
The tide was high
where we took you
and I remember thinking
how pointless it was
(you were just going to wash
up on the shore)
Everyone was quiet
and some people cried
and as you were tossed
out to sea like so
many grains of sand
I thought how much
I missed you
(Now I think how much
I hate you
PerfectEver had the feeling where you can't stop looking at a picture?
Your gorgeous face makes me smile
Go weak at the knees
Makes me giggle like a little girl
Those morning texts
All day conversations
Random silly things like that
Make me smile
I see the led light flash the colours I've set for when I get a message from you
My heart flutters
My cheeks flush
I go deaf to the world when I'm reading a message from you
If your down
I'm always there for you
I know you don't want to worry me
I know you want me to smile
But I'm always here for you
No matter how you feel
I'd prefer to help
Than for you to be down
Your gorgeous eyes
A Charmed LifeDoll-faced men and sinkholes, ancient tombstones
Leaves piled ankle-deep, falling down
Old wells, old graves, old friends lost
Pirate adventures in Neverland
Don't go into that barn
Ponchoboy and Rangergirl rise from the ashes
From the cold river, from afar
Remember before they were born, how they
Held hands and jumped into the world
Don't go into that school
Ladybugs, pennies, notes from the dead sun eclipse
Scrape the inside of your skull for clues
All the old dreams are still there, petrified
You are a rock of ages gibbering
Don't go into that factory
You Are BlindYou see a picture.
A girl with a smile on her face.
She looks beautiful.
She wasn't going anyway fancy.
But she wore her black make up.
And her brand new top.
But that isn't what I see...
Look a little closer...
Can't you see the tears that have just been wiped away?
Look a little closer...
Can't you see her right fist clenched,
Fumbling for her over strap bag?
Look a little closer...
Can't you see the left hand grip her long sleeve for dear life?
Look a little closer...
Can't you see her mind is running with thoughts tonight?
Look a little closer...
And maybe you'd have seen the warning signs....
UntitledThere is a loneliness that can
come to subsistence in man
deeper than the great
submarine sinkhole of Belize;
a crawling phthalo blue sadness
stolen off of a Picasso palette
of familiar numbing pains.
I recall having heard them
as they bid adieu- to me,
another newly extinct species;
some of us are meant for doom
like stellar sea cows, with only
our skeletal frames remaining.
Our squeaks muted all too soon
in the darkness of the shade.
So it goes: life can drag
a few of us blow by blow,
skewing our limbs and broiling
our skins by very heavy venom.
SecretsDeep down inside lays some stories
of my life and past events
what they contain shall not be told
because secrets are not up for rent.
When one breaks loose and free from chains
it travels around surprisingly fast
these secrets turn to rumours and then you face pain
and it's all just played like a little game.
so secrets be told, or secrets be alone
whatever the choice may be
there are people who will make it a rumour
just to spread it for their own humour.
So keep the secrets locked up in chains
and do not let them out
for if you wish to suffer pain
by all means let them about.
Withered KingdomThrough the forest and down the path, past the old ruins that lay above
lay my kingdom, Withered and old. Destroyed from siege and the arts of war.
The sun shines down from way above, through all the cracks that spread across.
These withered walls that once supported, my great kingdom, my home at all.
I walk down the path that lay, ahead of me to my royal place, the chair, the throne
the glory of my home, Overgrown with vines and things living behind the walls.
I look up to the ceiling of my majestic kingdom, and remember when these walls stood still.
The place was enriched with wonder from all, and life forms around gleamed with joy.
Worst mistakesWe look back when we made the mistake
to fill our life with dreadful hate
there was two paths that we could follow
but instead we took the one that was hollow
We figured our decision was the wrong one
but it was like we had to carry a ton
we would not carry it back up a hill
to fix the mistakes that gave no thrill
We always wonder what would of happened
if we went down a world that was not flattened
A life filled of happy tales
instead of what we exhale
the lifeless breathing from our cold sunken hearts
Changing our perception on what we call art
Everything around us seems so Incomplete
Like a puzzle which has not been complet
I look up into the starry sky
lovely wings spread far and wide
opened up to the full extent.
Vacated way up in the sky
eagerly soaring, I wonder why
lighting up our world the ease.
Intriguingly pretty and lovely to see
lovely angels flying around free
Yielding at nothing so wonderful indeed
Young and beautiful, is what they are
only seen in the world above
Unaware of who's watching below
Around the world they are seen
ready to fly they always seem
easy and ready to jump off their feet
Mucking the humans of their lack of wings
young and free just like the humans
worrying about nothing that lies ahead
Overlooking this w
DeathThey hit me and push me around and lead me into my sorrow
"Hey 4 eyes!" They would all shout.
Walking away didn't solve a thing, but made it worse.
"Where you going kid? Get back here."
Then all I would see is black.
I could feel the sorrow just building up
my life just a complete mess.
as I lay unconscious in this darkness
all my fears and pains just circle around me
"LEAVE ME ALONE!"
I would scream. But no one ever heard.
I was lonely and sad and felt like nothing
living in this vast land with no one.
People who I once called friends
just stabbed me in the back.
I contemplate my existence and wonder if it would be better with
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`anmari has been spreading her infectious positivity throughout our community for over 6 years. Throughout this time Ana has been at the core of all things devious, passionately developing an eclectic gallery, helping organise devmeets, participating in chat events and also recently completed dedicating her time as a Community Volunteer. We are absolutely delighted to bestow the Deviousness Award for May 2013 to `anmari, congratulations! Read More